Came back from the date that i'm very thrilled with. It keeps the good to bad okcupid dates at a good enough ratio to justify me to continue it :)
Laissez les bons temps roulez!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
The Druggie.
Gayface. That's all I could think when this guy messaged me. It's a real thing as Scientific American will tell you! He had the odd look/mannerisms of my best friend. At worst this could be a great friendship is what I was thinking as I responded to his message.
Why did I get into this whole online dating ordeal in the first place, my friend asked a few days ago. He tells me I don't want a boyfriend. I like my sovereignty too much and am literally looking to screw around. Well I really don't know if he's right or not but I can say for sure the reason I'm doing it so aggressively this summer is because I have nothing to lose. I'm spending a few months in a new city where I have no friends and I'm eager to explore. I'll admit some of my favorite interactions are with what Fight Club calls "single-serving friends". I turn my schmooze on, have an instant connection with someone, and everyone leaves happy. So I am guilty of using this as simply a way or meeting new people. What's the harm in that?
I've heard introverts as people that lose energy being in large groups and socializing and extroverts as those that gain energy through social interactions. I'm the best example of this that I know. I get a drug-like rush meeting new people and being forced into "uncomfortable" social situations. Ironically I'm also the queen of self-sabotage but we'll get to that later.
So the Druggie and I had fantastic conversations on music and he gave me a mixtape which... is probably the fastest way to my heart!
Fastforward to the meeting. He was short and wiry. There is no way to get around that. A guy once told that at first glance of meeting someone he assesses them. If it's a man he assesses who could kill the other in a fight. If it's a woman he assesses if they're "fuckable". As he was explaining this to me a look of horror crossed my face. First it was horror that anyone can function like that... and then it was horror that I too functioned like that. I can't help it but when I saw this dude I immediately thought "damn, I'd crush you". I have not a single clue what was going on in his mind. Perhaps it was "damn, she'd crush me".
Conversation went amazingly smoothly. 20 minutes in we were talking about hallucinogenics and how they've impacted our lives. As much as I too indulge in said hallucinogenics, I usually loathe hearing about people's experiences in excess and how they're the best moments of their lives. There's too much goodness I've experienced drug-free on this earth. I like drugs and think they have improved my life, amplified some great experiences, and have been a great tool for self-reflection but I don't constantly need any substance to enjoy living. I guess this entire rant is directed at a single person in my life that is constantly on drugs and would disagree with that last statement completely... but again that's for a rainy day.
So Druggie and I talk about drugs for a bit but it's not at all annoying. There's some talk of music, Pittsburgh, and gosh in general it was pretty fantastic. That's the thing about two socially aware people though. Both of us were trying to put each other at ease with relative success, but I couldn't tell how much of it was actual attraction vs. how much of it was politeness on either end. I guess it really doesn't matter in the end because I had a good time. Again no sex in sight for us, but I wonder if I can make a friend out of this one?
Why did I get into this whole online dating ordeal in the first place, my friend asked a few days ago. He tells me I don't want a boyfriend. I like my sovereignty too much and am literally looking to screw around. Well I really don't know if he's right or not but I can say for sure the reason I'm doing it so aggressively this summer is because I have nothing to lose. I'm spending a few months in a new city where I have no friends and I'm eager to explore. I'll admit some of my favorite interactions are with what Fight Club calls "single-serving friends". I turn my schmooze on, have an instant connection with someone, and everyone leaves happy. So I am guilty of using this as simply a way or meeting new people. What's the harm in that?
I've heard introverts as people that lose energy being in large groups and socializing and extroverts as those that gain energy through social interactions. I'm the best example of this that I know. I get a drug-like rush meeting new people and being forced into "uncomfortable" social situations. Ironically I'm also the queen of self-sabotage but we'll get to that later.
So the Druggie and I had fantastic conversations on music and he gave me a mixtape which... is probably the fastest way to my heart!
Fastforward to the meeting. He was short and wiry. There is no way to get around that. A guy once told that at first glance of meeting someone he assesses them. If it's a man he assesses who could kill the other in a fight. If it's a woman he assesses if they're "fuckable". As he was explaining this to me a look of horror crossed my face. First it was horror that anyone can function like that... and then it was horror that I too functioned like that. I can't help it but when I saw this dude I immediately thought "damn, I'd crush you". I have not a single clue what was going on in his mind. Perhaps it was "damn, she'd crush me".
Conversation went amazingly smoothly. 20 minutes in we were talking about hallucinogenics and how they've impacted our lives. As much as I too indulge in said hallucinogenics, I usually loathe hearing about people's experiences in excess and how they're the best moments of their lives. There's too much goodness I've experienced drug-free on this earth. I like drugs and think they have improved my life, amplified some great experiences, and have been a great tool for self-reflection but I don't constantly need any substance to enjoy living. I guess this entire rant is directed at a single person in my life that is constantly on drugs and would disagree with that last statement completely... but again that's for a rainy day.
So Druggie and I talk about drugs for a bit but it's not at all annoying. There's some talk of music, Pittsburgh, and gosh in general it was pretty fantastic. That's the thing about two socially aware people though. Both of us were trying to put each other at ease with relative success, but I couldn't tell how much of it was actual attraction vs. how much of it was politeness on either end. I guess it really doesn't matter in the end because I had a good time. Again no sex in sight for us, but I wonder if I can make a friend out of this one?
Scrawny Narcissist
He looked like a cute nerdy teacher. I was envisioning this bubbly, shy sort of guy who's greatest passions were hiking and coaching an inner city basketball team. He was to be the bashful type, humble to a fault and with the world's most beautiful smile that would melt me into a vulnerable puddle. I'm slowly beginning to realize the only place those kind of men exist are in my mind. We'd had some interesting bantering via texts so I was curious for sure.
Warning signs:
1. His referring to me as a sexy girl playing in dirt within the first three text exchanges
2. His calling me past 9pm to see what my night plans were
This probably would have been enough for a half-intelligent woman but, alas I'm beginning to think I might not be one. So I made a date for 9pm at the local brewpub and was excited to meet this aggressively bubbly nerdboy "maverick".
FAIL
He had a receding hairline which truthfully wouldn't have deterred me much, but because he was a babbling idiot I thought it would be important to direct attention to his bad hair. He had only child syndrome to the max and wouldn't stop telling me how amazing he is. He'd done this. He'd helped these people. If I mentioned I took a mile hike, he'd probably tell me about his Himalayan expedition. If I had read a book yesterday, he would have ready it five years ago in seven different languages. He was the quintessential one-upper. See, nowadays when I have human interactions, I liken people to wild animals and see how any behavior would benefit or handicap someone from getting laid... which is really what we all want for. So I get it. He's trying to prove how he's a great catch, but anyone could go around showcasing their goods on a plate. It takes a man of stealth and maturity to do it slyly.
Men of the world, I don't care how generous/talented/mature you actually are, as long as you can trick me into believing you are so!
My favorite quote from Bored to Death:
"with a man you feel like you're being taken and you like it with a boy you feel like something is being stolen from you and you don't like it "
The hair I can brush off with a single drink. The aggressive bragging would take two. His arrogance would take three to become a semi-acceptable confidence. He was so sure he was the best catch I was going to get. What's the fun in that? Chase me goddamnit because you're just not good enough to be chased! The clincher was him refusing to think couchsurfing was a good entity. HOW DARE HE? After ten minutes of my regular evangelical script I always give non-believers, I was ready for the date to end.
He just kept on smiling with the world's grossest smile. The revolting smile of arrogance. He walked me to my car.
GRAND FINALE
He gave me a hug and grabbed my shoulders and leaned in as if he were going to give me a kiss in which I looked at him utterly baffled. Had he not read a single signal of pure hatred I was sending him for those 1.5 awful hours we were together? Then he pushed me away saying, "nah, you gave me too hard of a time". The nerve of that man! He pulled a move on me with the sole objective of denying me!
I still look back in a mixture of disgust and hatred, but with each passing day a smile. This guy gave me the best metaphorical slap in the face I've ever gotten. I guess it serves me right. Touche asshole.
Warning signs:
1. His referring to me as a sexy girl playing in dirt within the first three text exchanges
2. His calling me past 9pm to see what my night plans were
This probably would have been enough for a half-intelligent woman but, alas I'm beginning to think I might not be one. So I made a date for 9pm at the local brewpub and was excited to meet this aggressively bubbly nerdboy "maverick".
FAIL
He had a receding hairline which truthfully wouldn't have deterred me much, but because he was a babbling idiot I thought it would be important to direct attention to his bad hair. He had only child syndrome to the max and wouldn't stop telling me how amazing he is. He'd done this. He'd helped these people. If I mentioned I took a mile hike, he'd probably tell me about his Himalayan expedition. If I had read a book yesterday, he would have ready it five years ago in seven different languages. He was the quintessential one-upper. See, nowadays when I have human interactions, I liken people to wild animals and see how any behavior would benefit or handicap someone from getting laid... which is really what we all want for. So I get it. He's trying to prove how he's a great catch, but anyone could go around showcasing their goods on a plate. It takes a man of stealth and maturity to do it slyly.
Men of the world, I don't care how generous/talented/mature you actually are, as long as you can trick me into believing you are so!
My favorite quote from Bored to Death:
"with a man you feel like you're being taken and you like it with a boy you feel like something is being stolen from you and you don't like it "
The hair I can brush off with a single drink. The aggressive bragging would take two. His arrogance would take three to become a semi-acceptable confidence. He was so sure he was the best catch I was going to get. What's the fun in that? Chase me goddamnit because you're just not good enough to be chased! The clincher was him refusing to think couchsurfing was a good entity. HOW DARE HE? After ten minutes of my regular evangelical script I always give non-believers, I was ready for the date to end.
He just kept on smiling with the world's grossest smile. The revolting smile of arrogance. He walked me to my car.
GRAND FINALE
He gave me a hug and grabbed my shoulders and leaned in as if he were going to give me a kiss in which I looked at him utterly baffled. Had he not read a single signal of pure hatred I was sending him for those 1.5 awful hours we were together? Then he pushed me away saying, "nah, you gave me too hard of a time". The nerve of that man! He pulled a move on me with the sole objective of denying me!
I still look back in a mixture of disgust and hatred, but with each passing day a smile. This guy gave me the best metaphorical slap in the face I've ever gotten. I guess it serves me right. Touche asshole.
Dreamboat
There is too much to say about this one and too much on the line to write about this. I'm happy with him if only because it's solid proof that online dating can really be a positive thing. :)
Friday, June 24, 2011
Curry Dick
I've always had a thing for Indian men. It's that smooth chocolate skin against those bright white teeth. Yummy! So when I started talking to a tall med student chocolate dream stud that liked David Lynch and music festivals...I was smitten.
We decided to meet at the trendiest most expensive little restaurant for god knows what reason. It seemed like a great idea at the time because I had just moved to a new place and was eager to explore anywhere. I have since realized I hate having to cross my legs and use the right forks on a regular day. Why the hell would I want to do that for a first date? But hey, I like challenges so this was fun.
I wish I saw sparks but there was just nothing. I don't know why. We had much in common but he never made me comfortable enough to start talking about my more secretive habits in life... (the good kind that my parents shall never ever know about). I felt judged, which is funny because I'm a harsh judge myself. I treated the date as an interview...something I've noticed I do every time I meet someone new. I can't help it! I'm a born schmoozer!
Well it just wasn't challenging enough of a date. Both of us are professionals in "comfort" so the date was comfortable and nothing more. He called a week later and plans for a second date fell through.
RIP our potential tall world-conquering cocoalicious genius babies
We decided to meet at the trendiest most expensive little restaurant for god knows what reason. It seemed like a great idea at the time because I had just moved to a new place and was eager to explore anywhere. I have since realized I hate having to cross my legs and use the right forks on a regular day. Why the hell would I want to do that for a first date? But hey, I like challenges so this was fun.
I wish I saw sparks but there was just nothing. I don't know why. We had much in common but he never made me comfortable enough to start talking about my more secretive habits in life... (the good kind that my parents shall never ever know about). I felt judged, which is funny because I'm a harsh judge myself. I treated the date as an interview...something I've noticed I do every time I meet someone new. I can't help it! I'm a born schmoozer!
Well it just wasn't challenging enough of a date. Both of us are professionals in "comfort" so the date was comfortable and nothing more. He called a week later and plans for a second date fell through.
RIP our potential tall world-conquering cocoalicious genius babies
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Social Retard
He was cute, semi-witty, and assholey so I was sold. I was still going for assholes back them ick.
I had all the mo's gathered at my house around date time. Mind you it wasn't on purpose. They were hanging out like they often do in the house as he pulled up. I was terrified and franticly flapping around for a good three hours beforehand. I imagined every horrible circumstance that was possible as I'm often guilty of doing. Is he a serial killer? Is he going to like me at all? Who's gonna pay? What the hell are we going to talk about?
These thoughts and more were racing through my head as I stepped into his tan oldsmobile and calmy introduced myself with a handshake. (Why do I and so many others treat strangers like .. they're strangers? I've since come to the realization people are just people but there's a whole other lecture in that.) He was talking like a maniac the second I came into the car though so all I had to do was sit there, smile, and nod every so often. I didn't know at that point, this was how the rest of the date was going to be- him bragging about his different conquests in life and me trying my very best not to look away in disgust. The car ride there should have been enough to inform me to RUN. RUN HOME.
First there was the mention of his dead sibling. (So I confess, nothing turns me on like a good story of tragedy. I wish I could say I was joking but I am completely serious. When someone starts yapping about their dead dog or grandma with alzheimer's and their eyes glaze over because they're processing the event for themselves more than sharing a story with you... yea that makes me want to jump a boy's bones!) Maybe he knew this because the dead sister mention came from nowhere and was completely irrelevant to anything we were talking about. It was strange and made me uncomfortable more than anything else. If that weren't bad enough, he then tried to justify to me that sixteen year olds are hot. I don't even understand how he managed to bring that up in our five minutes of conversation! It's not something I'm horribly against (I've been caught more than one time ravaging high school boys... with my eyes), but in ten minutes time of meeting someone, not the most appropriate. Again, this was all in the ten minute car ride to the coffee shop!
Fast forward to the coffee shop, he takes out his phone and proceeds to show me all kinds of goodies. By goodies of course I mean pictures of his ex-conquests. Whoever clued him in on my weakness for tragedy didn't let him in on my biggest pet peeve in life which is playing with phones during a date. And of all things to be showing me, why this?
Fast forward to dropping me off. The climax to my own tragedy of a date was when he mentioned his previous korean girlfriends. Boys, this is a huge no-no. In general talking about your exes on a first date is usually a no-no isn't it? The second he parked the car I had the door open, but his story wasn't finished. So there I sat door ajar listening about his korean ex-girlfriend and the generalizations he's made from dating her.
Boy might be retarded.
I had all the mo's gathered at my house around date time. Mind you it wasn't on purpose. They were hanging out like they often do in the house as he pulled up. I was terrified and franticly flapping around for a good three hours beforehand. I imagined every horrible circumstance that was possible as I'm often guilty of doing. Is he a serial killer? Is he going to like me at all? Who's gonna pay? What the hell are we going to talk about?
These thoughts and more were racing through my head as I stepped into his tan oldsmobile and calmy introduced myself with a handshake. (Why do I and so many others treat strangers like .. they're strangers? I've since come to the realization people are just people but there's a whole other lecture in that.) He was talking like a maniac the second I came into the car though so all I had to do was sit there, smile, and nod every so often. I didn't know at that point, this was how the rest of the date was going to be- him bragging about his different conquests in life and me trying my very best not to look away in disgust. The car ride there should have been enough to inform me to RUN. RUN HOME.
First there was the mention of his dead sibling. (So I confess, nothing turns me on like a good story of tragedy. I wish I could say I was joking but I am completely serious. When someone starts yapping about their dead dog or grandma with alzheimer's and their eyes glaze over because they're processing the event for themselves more than sharing a story with you... yea that makes me want to jump a boy's bones!) Maybe he knew this because the dead sister mention came from nowhere and was completely irrelevant to anything we were talking about. It was strange and made me uncomfortable more than anything else. If that weren't bad enough, he then tried to justify to me that sixteen year olds are hot. I don't even understand how he managed to bring that up in our five minutes of conversation! It's not something I'm horribly against (I've been caught more than one time ravaging high school boys... with my eyes), but in ten minutes time of meeting someone, not the most appropriate. Again, this was all in the ten minute car ride to the coffee shop!
Fast forward to the coffee shop, he takes out his phone and proceeds to show me all kinds of goodies. By goodies of course I mean pictures of his ex-conquests. Whoever clued him in on my weakness for tragedy didn't let him in on my biggest pet peeve in life which is playing with phones during a date. And of all things to be showing me, why this?
Fast forward to dropping me off. The climax to my own tragedy of a date was when he mentioned his previous korean girlfriends. Boys, this is a huge no-no. In general talking about your exes on a first date is usually a no-no isn't it? The second he parked the car I had the door open, but his story wasn't finished. So there I sat door ajar listening about his korean ex-girlfriend and the generalizations he's made from dating her.
Boy might be retarded.
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