How I Found Him Online and You Can Too!

When I first arrived in Philly, I did some aggressive online-dating. I'm a hyper-social extrovert to begin with, moving to a new city where I had very few people I know, and starting a job with zero co-workers. This was to be my salvation.

Sure, it took a month and a half to find the right one, but what's that compared to the rest of my life? I had a great time going on several dates a week and corresponding with different men every day. I had absolutely no expectation going into the whole thing, except to find people to go see stuff and eat stuff with. Admittedly, I was getting tired of the constant meet and greets by the time He rolled around too. I'm still the awkward girl I was in the beginning, but I've lost almost all anxiety about first dates. I love throwing myself into strange social situations and dating it seems is no exception.

Lessons Learned On Dating Online
1. Don't hide anything about yourself. Flaunt it.
 Courting is a somewhat exhausting process. Especially as a woman, online dating affords plenty of fish. If there are things about yourself you're unsure of will attract or deter people, make them loud and clear! Then you won't have to waste your time on people that just don't get it.

2. Don't be nervous.
I've rationalized myself out of nervousness. Sure, I get a few butterflies before some dates that look uber promising, but I rest assured that if this isn't the one there are plenty more. Plenty plenty more. (update--- this is impossible if you have composure of a 12 year old girl which it seems describes me in a nutshell)

3. It's impossible to predict what someone is like in real life until you meet them.
I pride myself on being able to read people fairly accurately, so I was surprised to see how inaccurate online profiling can be. Sure having a correspondence will tell you a lot, but never the whole story. I had a rich month long correspondance with someone that turned out to be the Footstomper. I had an awkward forced correspondance with someone that I turned out to like a lot in real life. You just never know.

4. Take plentiful risks.
Take risks. Contact anyone you find yourself attracted to. What's the worst that can happen? There are so many more people you haven't met!

5. Cast your net wide.
 There are going to be your share of Scrawny Narcissists and Footstompers. Go on lots and lots of dates. Your probability of finding a keeper can only increase.

Flashback to Footstomper

I've had many awkward correspondences gone wrong in the past. In the early days of facebook, when etiquette of social networking wasn't really established and people didn't limit themselves with boundaries, I'd receive a handful of messages from random strangers I had not met yet. I'm talking specifically about people who contacted me before I even arrived in college to talk about "stuff". Stuff could be anything from jazz to campus dining. These individuals and I made very loose plans to meet up, but with the fast pace of first semester it just never happened. Then when I was finally introduced to the person in real life through mutual friends, or recognized their face as they crossed the street, a pang of embarrassment went through my stomach. We had talked so in depth and then failed to make any real connection in the real world.


So... Footstomper. This was back when I was much more nervous about the online dating ordeal. I was reluctant to meet people I hadn't spoken to for a while and genuinely believed you can tell a lot about someone through their messages. (I still believe you can read a good 60% of someone through their messages, but that's not close enough to justify me liking someone!)

Footstomper and I shared page upon page of stimulating messages and it was a nice brain massage to have to respond to someone that cared and had an equal amount to share. After weeks of correspondences (which alone would make a nice little book), we decided to meet for milkshakes.

DATE
First appearances matter a lot. Whether you're willing to admit it to yourself or not, it determines how you feel about the person immediately. This guy truthfully looked like a bit of a mess. His personality wasn't too far from that either. We greeted each other with an awkward hug. Some people just aren't good at hugs and he happens to be one of them. It was a cold grip. It was within three minutes, he was crossed out of my book. He accidentally stepped on my right foot and instead of apologizing said, "let me step on your other foot to make it even". Yes, he went ahead and stepped on my left foot too.

Was this a nervous tick? Well, he continued to talk about his sad life. If there is only one thing I want in a partner/friend/human-being, it's an excitement for life. He talked about humanity negatively and didn't flow with my optimistic humanistic existence. I went home discouraged, with a bad taste in my mouth. He texted me that night saying he had a great time and if I wanted to meet up again. I don't remember the last time I had to outright reject someone. Usually a casual slipping away is suffice. It would be a waste of his and my time to try to make this work. He just didn't have the bare essentials I thought necessary. "Sorry, I don't think we're compatible" I wrote.

He then proceeded to give me an award on okcupid, announcing to the world that I'm intelligent and a catch. I guess this guy never fails to keep surprising me.

Last week, more than a month after our meeting, I saw he had joined couchsurfing and begun posting on the boards after I recommended it to him.

Online dating can be weird like that.

Scrambling Eggs

Women, and particularly myself, should be locked away in a resort somewhere the week they're scrambling eggs... and maybe the week they're laying them too! The thoughts that stream through my head and the flurry of crazy emotions makes me want to hide under a blanket until it's all over!

It'll all be over soon and for that I'm glad. 

Mr. Right-Now aka Stringbean

Good things come in threes? I've never believed in that bull, but the last three dates have been so surprisingly pleasant. Last night's though won.

Stats:
-enjoys Bjork, Joanna Newsom, Antony Hegarty, Sharon Jones, Yo La Tengo
-secular humanist
-works for a great architecture firm (bonus points because he's a graphic designer and not an architect)
-taller than me

Cons:
-non-alpha
-stick
-vagetarian... (me? with a vegetarian? blasphemy!)

So I'm sure you've reached the same conclusion I did. Gay. Truthfully, he has all the tell-tale signs and on top of this the date went swimmingly so that's solid proof. Alas, I'm a dreamer. There HAS to be a straight guy with these characteristics somewhere in the world, and who says it's not this one? Statistics that's who.

DATE

He came a bit late and we went in. He's by far the most awkward date I've had. He had a little trouble making eye contact and that hug was nerd-boy-virgin hug. It's very much like hugging a human-sized insect. It's all very genuine, but so awkward. Here's to hoping that was a weird symptom of anxiety of meeting me for the first time... He has that same excitedness though that I adore. I guess in a lot of ways he's a docile version of me. I'm pretty smitten with this one but don't know how much of me wants to jump his bones... and that is what he is... a pile of bones.

After my beer and his cocktail (see the role-reversal here? you see why I might be concerned of his sexuality???)... we went for a walk through penn's campus looking at architecture. This is just one of those things I nerd out about and love nerding out about so it couldn't have been better. Nerd boys are the best!... well ones that aren't arrogant and he isn't!

update 7.7.11
It was just so comfortable. As much as I can pile on the schmooze at any social function, when it comes to boys I am completely hopeless. My friend likes to repeat the classic story of when I slapped away a boy that was giving me a foot massage that I was horribly in love with... and then again when he kissed my inner thigh. What the hell is wrong with me? My tragedy. It's nothing I'm proud of, but just something I accepted as a curse put on me by some evil sex goblins.

When date night two came, I entered the apartment determined that if it went well I would NOT be a pussy about it. Started watching Happiness and he started doing the hand thing. Come on now, we're all adults and we all know what "watching a movie" is all about. It is never, ever, ever about watching a movie. Being an incorrigible social retard, I've always avoided the "hand thing", moving my hand away or my entire body to the other side of the couch. It PAINED my to do so but I kept my hand there for him to do the hand thing. After a good half hour of the hand thing we were sitting holding hands... all that good cute stuff.... another half hour and we were at it. The strange thing was how comfortable the whole ordeal was. I'm still left wondering how abnormal my level of comfort there was... is it always like that? I'm a hand thing virgin! I have no clue!

Spent America's birthday with him again. I was pretty brutal it seems when I first wrote about him. I'm falling for this one. I know because I'm not divulging in half the date details or feelings. crap.

Evaluation

So I've reached an ethical dilemma. There are still dates to be shared and dates to be gone on, but I've stupidly been hooked. I know if I ever stumbled upon an in-depth public evaluation of any date I went on, I'd most likely be horrified and indescribably angry.

I like a dude. I'm going to try my best to not censor myself though because at least for the time being, the integrity of my story trumps his feelings. It's a countdown til that changes though.